By Cat Gina Cole
I have been a psychic my whole life and I am used to my head being full of thought and sound. In 2018, I got a traumatic brain injury in a car accident and suddenly, like someone flipped a light switch, my brain was completely quiet. The silence was so complete I could not even hear my own thoughts before I said them. This was almost surgical and quite distressing.
I had been in occupational therapy for about six months and was still very distressed. My dreams, inner voices, my intuition, my connection to the other side, and thoughts were gone! Just poof! I had gone from Witch and Psychic to muggle. My very identity was gone and I was lost.
Seeing my distress, my pal, Phaedra Bonewits, suggested I trance on the Tarot cards. Not just meditate on each of the major arcana, but deeply trance on each of them. This seemingly simple task saved me. It began the healing of my mind and was the start of my journey back to finding my identity as the psychic I had been my whole life.
At first it was difficult to get my brain to focus enough even to meditate, but eventually with much distress and determination and support, I got there. I was a fool on a journey, so that is where I began, with the Fool card.
I was not feeling well and was going back to bed and about to put the work off again, but, at the last minute, I decided to grab the Fool card and focus on it as I drifted off. I looked very closely at every small detail. I had to force myself to keep my focus and not let my mind wander. I looked hard at all the colors, the position things were in, the scene, and took it all in.
As I drifted off, I began to sense the Fool did not have a care in the world and is actually taking in the splendor of the moment. He has a look of “I have arrived and look at this splendid place.” There is no impending doom or fear of falling off the cliff as I had thought before. I continued to reflect on how I now think the label of the Fool is misleading. He is not a fool at all, just a traveler, and the dog has led him to this place and is also happy they have arrived.
As I fall asleep, as is common in my dreams, there is more than one of me. In this one there were two Fools, the original and a stronger aspect of the Fool, and we were approaching a coastal village near the sea. The elders of the village approached to see what we wanted and a disagreement broke out among them. They were arguing about the dog, who they felt needed protecting. Somehow in the middle of the argument an amazing sword appeared in the hands of the stronger Fool aspect. It was bright silver, very strong, yet could fold when not in use.
Just then I noticed an orange color like the sun appear in the sky that was partly obscured by clouds. As I watched, I began to see it was somewhat square and seemed to be a signal that we were running out of time. In my mind, a voice said, “It’s coming let’s go!” It was the dog urging me on in his excitement.
I, the original Fool, had stopped to take in the splendor while the stronger aspect Fool had made it to the sea wall at the water’s edge. He was now involved in another dispute among the village elders there. They were rejecting him and denying him access to whatever was coming.
As made my way to them, a huge fog rolled in. I remember thinking “What is this fog, I can’t see a thing!” Yet the orange square in the sky was coming closer and getting larger and the sense of urgency increased.
Annoyed with the fog and lack of clarity, the confusion and confrontation, I, the Fool, stood tall and lifted my chin, closed my eyes, opened my arms, and pushed my chest out toward the fog and sent a wave of clarity toward the clouds and orange color approaching. This made the fog retreat, the confrontation stopped, the clouds parted and revealed that the orange square was a sail. The sail was so large and glorious it took everyone’s breath away. No one had seen the like and size before. The ship was fantastic and breathtaking. The dog became joyous and began jumping and barking like he was saying, “This is it!” and I was excited too!
I then noticed the stronger aspect of the Fool walking up the boat ramp with the sword in hand. He held it up and said, “This is mine!” The elders of the village said, “The sword disagrees.” As they directed our attention to the sword, it folded up, became dim, and would not work for the stronger aspect who was struggling to re-open it to no avail. The stronger aspect Fool then gave up and handed it to the original Fool. As the original Fool held the sword, it became bright once again and unfolded with all its strength and glory. The elders seemed to approve and allowed the original Fool and the dog to get on the ship leaving the stronger aspect fool behind defeated.
When I woke, I was elated that I had had such an experience once more. As I journaled the experience, I saw the symbolism of my injury and a path to healing in all that had occurred. The seemingly stronger aspect was the muggle self, strong in the eyes of many, and the original Fool aspect, my true self. I saw it was an inner struggle of who I was going to allow to progress and move forward, a choice I had to make.
My hope of healing and retrieving that part of myself was restored. My pal, Phaedra, had given me a simple task. But it actually was the gift of hope and it got me started on my path of healing that continued all through the trances on the major arcana of the Tarot.
Cat Gina Cole is a Herditary Witch and author of Psychic Skills for Magic and Witchcraft (Llewellyn, 2022). She is the founder of The Coven of the Rising Phoenix and Staff Coordinator for “Green Egg Magazine.” You can reach her at www.catginacole.com.