I have to admit that when I was in my 20s, I was caught up in the “positive thinking” phenomenon. Channeling optimism helped me through so many trying times and I do advocate for it. However, there was a side-effect I did not expect and did not see coming: all of those “negative emotions” I had never allowed myself to feel came flooding back in a torrent, demanding to be acknowledged.
I was at the Pagan Spirit Gathering in the year 2000. I was 28 years old. It was the time of my Saturn return. A dark night of the soul was soon to be upon me. The energy at the festival was very intense and beautiful. Then, it began raining–mercilessly while we were in a camping out situation (I have since learned I prefer “glamping”). My friends and I traipsed through the rain to attend a meditation workshop. I do not remember if there was a particular theme, but we were all lying down and were going to be guided “in.”
Right there, in a tent full of meditating people, I started sobbing. Loudly and gutturally. I could not stop. My friends helped me back to our tent. I had a hard time walking. My body just wanted to collapse and cry. I did just that when I got back to the tent. It went on for hours. The sun was beginning to set when I remember coming back to myself. Strangely, the sun seemed to me to be setting in the East. My equilibrium was completely off. It is really indescribable. Continue reading On Spiritual Bypassing